No…No and… No

We receive a lot more No’s in life then Yeses (please excuse an spelling errors right there).

Job hunting is probably the most frustrating venture one will embark on. It literally will make you feel like a very small fish in a very large pond. E-mail after E-mail will contain….”thank you…BUT…..

It becomes discouraging and often hurts because it feels like rejection….I’m trying to take Ash’s advice and remember….”maybe the no will led you to better opportunities.”

I know that I didn’t get the really “plush” job in Lakeland because there was more opportunity in Nashville. I know I’m constantly rejected by church after church because either I am not ready or there is better opportunity out there (maybe a lil’ bit of both).

No can actually be a Yes in disguise….it could be the place holder for something much better.  Not only that but it makes the Yeses in life, just that much better. The best “Yes” I ever received is about to be my wife in less than a month. Thank God for the No’s I received from other girls when I asked for that relationship, or that date, because otherwise I would have missed out on the most amazing woman in the world.

Pondering God’s grace

Pete Wilson said something that just rocked my world yesterday. I’m sure I myself have said it before and have most definitely learned it at some point, but it never clicked with me like it did yesterday.

For people like me who spend a lot of time in their own head and think a lot….sometimes thoughts can stray and end up in places you never wanted your mind to travel too. I struggle with my thought life and for me there is this constant feeling of guilt and frustration that I allowed myself to go there in a thought. However, Pete mentioned that “not only does God know every thought you have had in the past, but he knows thoughts and words that have not even been conceived in your mind nor uttered off of your tongue.” WOW, God already knows the thoughts and words I will speak, the mistakes I will make, and he still loves me……playing off of a statement Pete said, “Your value and worth will never depreciate in God’s eyes.”

Impressions of “The girl with the dragon tattoo” pt. 1

Since I’ve been on some heavy topics this last week I wanted to take a refreshing break and discuss one of the books I am currently reading.  Thus far I have read up to chapter 9 of Steig Larsson’s The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, The story has been quite detailed, drawn out, and some what boring. I am sticking it out, because everyone says that once you get throughout the first few chapters, things start to pick up. One thing I do enjoy about the story is the timeline. I feel like I am actually a part of these character’s day to day lives, and it gives you the sense of being in a movie.

I hope the story picks up soon, but in the meantime (without any spoilers) what were your impressions, to those who have or are reading it?

Creativity Ninjas thrive in desolate environments

desolateadjective |ˈdesəlit|(of a place) deserted of people and in a state of bleak and dismal emptiness (my emphasis) : a desolate moor.

Working at — I’ve discovered that creativity is not only suppressed but for the most part discouraged. Sometimes when I’m given an assignment I will go that extra mile to give it a different look and feel. I’ll turn a book to the side or angle it to make it eye catching…instantly the manager or another employee comes by and turns it back or fixes it to be straight.  Other times there will be three books instead of piling them on top of each other, I place one over the other two to give an effect of full and eye appealing….again this gets fixed and the manager jokes they “don’t like all that here (my phrasing).”

What do you do when routine and “standard” hinder your creativity? I feel like (and I’m not alone) routine kills creativity.

Now there are good routines and habits, but I feel like even in a set work out routine for example, taking a different trail or doing different exercises is healthy. It actually keeps the muscles guessing and makes the body work harder, but more effectively.

So how do you implement creativity into the work place when you are clearly discouraged/instructed not to?

I’ve tried the Ninja approach where you simply do it when no one is around to instruct otherwise, I’ve also done it against their wishes, but I find this counter productive and disrespectful. Not only that but it makes double the work because I have to go back and fix it when they don’t like it.

After talking to Jackie I found two statements that answered this question for me.

Basically jackie said, (my paraphrasing) “you can’t go against what they want, because it’s disrespectful and  rebellion. You have to recognize that this environment isn’t right for you and find something else.”

So if you are in this situation, (my paraphrasing)  “you work to put food on the table so you are able to pursue your passion….You have to be willing to make room in your life for your passion.”

Answer to my orginal question “So how do you implement creativity into the work place when you are clearly discouraged/instructed not to?”—- You don’t …simply put, if you recognize it as the wrong environment, get out.

So maybe creativity ninjas don’t really thrive in desolate environments, but are smart enough to know when to abandon a mission in pursuit of something better….

My mid 20’s crisis

Warning: this post is honest

Tonight I was at crosspoint and Pete shared this message entitled “empty promises.”  There was this one train of thought that rocked my world. He discussed the idea that a lot of 22 and 23 year olds are feeling the pressure, depression, anxiety and frustrations that come along with a “mid-life” crisis. Yet they (I) am so young and there is no reason to be experiencing these pressures at our age. Pete said that the reason is because “our society has become so performance driven.”

I finally feel that I can put into words the thing that has been bothering me; I have made success and credit my idols. I have this huge desire to succeed and be known. As Pete pointed out; some idols are not necessarily bad things, “but left unchecked can become trouble in our life.” I always feel like I have to succeed and that time is ticking away, that life is passing me by. Some of it I get from seeing these young actors, singers, etc… on tv just soaring to these lavish titles and positions.

I want to be successful and I would like to be famous or well known, but are these desires of the flesh? I feel like my desire to succeed when put in the right context and for the purpose of the kingdom is a good thing, but to desire to be famous…not so much. Erwin McManus once asked, “do you want to be famous or do you want to be great?” What’s the line?  I see all these famous faces on tv and I want to roll with them and live like they do. This is my confession, I think I have lost track of what life is really about. I don’t know, I hope that by working through this with God through prayer I can discover the true meaning of GREAT.  I pray that through Pete’s series, this blog, prayer with God, prayer from friends/family, support from you all…I can discover how to get out of this crisis, how to balance success and allow God to work on my heart when it comes to fame.

What Tracy morgan and I have in common.

There is a scene in the movie “cop out” where Tracy Morgan is pretending to be “the falsely accused victim” in order to get information out of the bad guy, he even goes so far as to quote every action movie he can possibly think of. His character  isn’t a very good “victim” in this scene and resorts to playing other people and personalities that are not his own.  this scene is absolutely hilarious but strikes a nerve for me today. Earlier today I was called out by a close mentor, he said that sometimes I play into the “victim mentality.” Sometimes I feel that I don’t know what else to do so I start quoting and saying what everyone else who is frustrated and upset about their job is saying. I too don’t play the “victim” very well.

Sometimes the job we are working, bosses, pay, etc… suck, but does it give us the excuse to complain and whine about it? Sometimes we need to be humbled, and other times we simply need to stop complaining and do something about it. At this point I have played the “victim” long enough. I haven’t decided how to handle frustrations at work, I’m not sure if I should try to find a different career right now, or if I should stick it out for a few months. Sometimes the best thing to do is take a deep breath, sit back, and remember it’s not all about me….I am gonna pray, I hope you’ll pray with me for wisdom and guidance in my career choices.

Leave the window blinds shut!

Warning: This post is extremely honest!

I have a dirty little secret. I love the new “Love the way you lie” song by eminem. Inside the lyrics there is a concept that pain is addicting.

When I was a freshman in college I found myself completely depressed I would call friends and family in tears, completely broken. I ended up going to talk to the campus counselor seeking help. Through our discussions, she made a statement that to this day rocks my world. She explained to me that “Pain and suffering can become addicting.”

Depression, pain and suffering can become such an addicting companion that we have trouble letting them go. There is almost this sick pleasure of embracing them at some points. Really it seems crazy, but put simply put, it becomes an addiction. One way to combat depression is exercise, another is simply letting light into dark rooms. Sometimes you embrace depression so much that you find yourself purposely leaving the blinds shut to embrace the pain and agony, because  it fills voids and gaps inside of you and it kind of feels good.

  1. Here are two quick observations, honestly I could probably manage to write a book someday, but this will have to do. One: we embrace pain and suffering because ultimately it gives us control. Sometimes when all feels lost and hopeless, circumstances become treacherous (abuse, disappointments, break-ups) there is no way to control what is happening, so we use our pain and our suffering as a means of power. Some pain and suffering is voluntary, and for the most part it is in our hands how we react to some situations. By embracing the pain and suffering and acting as though it is just a normal part of us and that we  shouldn’t change, we take “false power” over the situation. It’s kind of like the kid who always gets told what to do, so he starts holding his bowel movements because it gives him a sense of control and power, after all he is the only one who has control over his bathroom habits.
  2. We embrace pain and suffering because it feeds our ego. My counselor gave me the book “It’s not about me” and after reading through it I finally understand what she was trying to tell me. Sometimes we embrace pain and suffering because it makes the world revolve around us. When I was depressed and hurt, my life became about how everyone was against me, everyone should be concerned and worried about me.

There is a lot more I want to discuss on this topic, but I think I will break it down into segments. I welcome and encourage feedback. Thank you for reading!