Pondering God’s grace

Pete Wilson said something that just rocked my world yesterday. I’m sure I myself have said it before and have most definitely learned it at some point, but it never clicked with me like it did yesterday.

For people like me who spend a lot of time in their own head and think a lot….sometimes thoughts can stray and end up in places you never wanted your mind to travel too. I struggle with my thought life and for me there is this constant feeling of guilt and frustration that I allowed myself to go there in a thought. However, Pete mentioned that “not only does God know every thought you have had in the past, but he knows thoughts and words that have not even been conceived in your mind nor uttered off of your tongue.” WOW, God already knows the thoughts and words I will speak, the mistakes I will make, and he still loves me……playing off of a statement Pete said, “Your value and worth will never depreciate in God’s eyes.”

My mid 20’s crisis

Warning: this post is honest

Tonight I was at crosspoint and Pete shared this message entitled “empty promises.”  There was this one train of thought that rocked my world. He discussed the idea that a lot of 22 and 23 year olds are feeling the pressure, depression, anxiety and frustrations that come along with a “mid-life” crisis. Yet they (I) am so young and there is no reason to be experiencing these pressures at our age. Pete said that the reason is because “our society has become so performance driven.”

I finally feel that I can put into words the thing that has been bothering me; I have made success and credit my idols. I have this huge desire to succeed and be known. As Pete pointed out; some idols are not necessarily bad things, “but left unchecked can become trouble in our life.” I always feel like I have to succeed and that time is ticking away, that life is passing me by. Some of it I get from seeing these young actors, singers, etc… on tv just soaring to these lavish titles and positions.

I want to be successful and I would like to be famous or well known, but are these desires of the flesh? I feel like my desire to succeed when put in the right context and for the purpose of the kingdom is a good thing, but to desire to be famous…not so much. Erwin McManus once asked, “do you want to be famous or do you want to be great?” What’s the line?  I see all these famous faces on tv and I want to roll with them and live like they do. This is my confession, I think I have lost track of what life is really about. I don’t know, I hope that by working through this with God through prayer I can discover the true meaning of GREAT.  I pray that through Pete’s series, this blog, prayer with God, prayer from friends/family, support from you all…I can discover how to get out of this crisis, how to balance success and allow God to work on my heart when it comes to fame.